Our Road to a Homebirth

Care, Coverage, and Childbearing in England | Part II

Ways we prepared for birth

In part I of this series, I shared how we were led to the decision to have a home birth with our daughter (if you haven't read it yet, you can read it here). Though we finally knew with certainty the birth plan for us, and we knew we were being led to trust the Lord with this decision, I still found myself overcome with fear. I knew that most of this was fear of the unknown. Not only had I never had to learn about and understand how labor works due to our previous planned C-Section, but I also had assumed that any subsequent pregnancies would also involve a C-Section. It was a lot for me to process. Another thing that caught me by surprise was my need to heal from trauma. I knew I needed to acknowledge the growing fears, process them, and prepare in whichever way necessary, all with the Lord's guidance. 

Here are the ways I prepared for birth and became empowered in my decision:

1. Prayer

Time spent with the Lord surrendering my fears was primary and ongoing. I spent time daily in intentional prayer about the birth and was reminded of His sovereignty as I continued to surrender. One of the most significant changes to my heart happened when I started to fully understand, embrace, and trust my body as it has been designed by God rather than focus on the multitude of fears surrounding childbirth. Images of screaming, terror, and emergency situations are what filled my mind about childbirth. These images we see in the media bury themselves deeply and have a profound effect. A lot of relearning needed to take place so that I would come to see just how safe and beautiful childbirth could be. There are always going to be situations where there are real emergencies, trauma, and heartbreaking situations. I am incredibly grateful for the procedure that needed to take place to bring my child and myself safely through childbirth with my pregnancy with our son. Nobody's path will ever look the same as another, and if you're reading this with trauma or heartbreak of your own, I see you, and I pray you have found or will find healing. But birth isn't always an emergency. Birth can be calm. It can be peaceful and enjoyable. God has designed the female body miraculously for birth. It is something to behold. The more we understand, the more we can trust the process.

2. Healing from trauma

I never thought of what I went through with my first birth as trauma, but the more I processed this upcoming birth, the more I realized I had never truly processed the last one. Others have been in scarier situations when it comes to childbirth, and I am grateful for how the Lord protected us on that day, allowing a rather smooth operation to take place. However, as we know, trauma is personal and intimate.

I do not like hospitals. Each sterile, fluorescent room I entered while I was being prepared for major surgery amplified the tension I was feeling, and the pit in my stomach grew as nausea crept up my throat. When it came time for the epidural, I had to go into the room alone. The bitter cold of the Operating Room gripped me tightly. The sheet that hung between myself and where the Doctors were working was both a comforting block to the views I knew I didn't want to see and a strange chasm that created agonizing distance between myself and my baby. As I lost the feeling in my lower body, my breathing picked up its pace. Time crawled as I held Gino's hand, waiting and yearning to hear those beautiful cries. When they finally held our son up, he was gone from my view as quickly as he arrived. He was whisked over somewhere I could not see, and all I could do was lie there, listening to his screams, unable to comfort my son in the first terrifying moment of his life. The first time I held him, he was only partially placed on the side of my chest, and I put my hands on him and met our son face to face, the joy, and love blooming in my heart. And then, he was gone again. Whisked away once more while they sewed me up. The days that followed were full of moments that disrupted our first days as parents and our bond with our son in ways we weren't prepared for. 

Thus, when I realized as I was preparing to give birth to our daughter that I had never really processed any of this and how it affected me, I began to weep as countless memories and stolen moments rushed over me in waves. I spent time in prayer and sought the Lord as I acknowledged my trauma, processed it, surrendered it wholly, and felt my heart healing. I allowed the waves to take over and lead me where I needed to go, and it was a wonderfully unexpected journey of healing.

3. Research and Education 

Because my first birth was a planned C-Section, I never had to learn about labor. We never took a course, and we never prepared for it. I knew I needed to learn as much as possible about the incredible design of a woman's body and what to expect as we inched closer to that day. I wanted to understand more about a VBAC beyond the information that seemed to be handed out, like pamphlets. I wanted to know the risks involved, how the body works, and weigh it all out prayerfully. As I began researching, it was clear that misinformation about VBACs was rampant. The phrase that always stuck out to me was uterine rupture, as this is the big fear surrounding a VBAC. But when I started really looking into the numbers, I realized how rare this occurrence is. It occurs in less than 1% of women laboring for a VBAC. This is even lower than the risk for a placenta abruption, umbilical prolapse, or shoulder dystocia that can occur for any woman in labor. There are lots of other statistics, but the main point I want to make is that being informed by doing your own digging can bring knowledge and understanding that allows for a more confident decision and preparation.

I also knew that I wanted to have an unmedicated birth which meant that I needed to understand how to utilize natural pain relief techniques such as water immersion, breathing techniques, massage, position change, aromatherapy, and hypnobirthing. The important thing is to let go of fear and control no matter what birth plan you have chosen. During labor, pain and fear can become a relentless cycle that takes over; as you prepare for pain, you tense and fill with fear, then that tension causes more pain and then of course, more fear. Being equipped with how to work through the stages of labor helps immensely with how it is experienced.

4. Christian Hypnobirthing

There are a lot of misconceptions about what hypnobirthing is. It's definitely not any type of hypnosis or mind control. It's more simply a way to enter a calm, relaxed, and faith-filled state in order to make childbirth more relaxing, joyful, and peaceful while remaining entirely alert and in control.

I downloaded the Christian Hypnobirthing app and listened to it in the weeks leading up to birth. There are various tracks: affirmations, scripture, and breathing exercises. I listened to a lot of the scripture during labor, and the breathing tracks helped me to learn the correct techniques in order to ride the waves of contractions. I can tell you without a doubt that this helped me immensely when going through labor. 

5. Books

The book I read and thought was a wonderful way to prepare for childbirth is Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin. I think it's one of the most well-known and most popular and for good reason. It's full of birthing wisdom for a whole range of birthing choices and is a wonderful tool for preparation.

6. Journaling / Birth Plan

Journaling can be a very beneficial way to process information and prepare for your specific journey. It is cathartic to write things out, and it also can be really helpful to see your birth plan written out. I went through each stage of labor in my notebook and the plan for each one, including the pain relief techniques, and had Gino go over them with me and keep a copy so that he, too, was an integral part of everything. We practiced the breathing techniques together; he knew where the diffuser was for the essential oils and which ones to use, knew to apply counter pressure when I asked for it, and so on. He was my rock to lean on (literally and figuratively), and his own preparation allowed him to be fully present with me in just the right ways.

7. Physical Preparation

My pregnancies have both been pretty challenging. First trimesters that were full of intense sickness and fatigue brought me down hard. The subsequent trimesters handed me physical pain and injuries that made even walking impossible at various points. I won't go into further detail, but I definitely do not have an "easy" time with pregnancy. With each one, though, I have learned more about the importance of being physically prepared for pregnancy and childbirth. Chiropractic care, pelvic floor therapy, regular exercise, things such as the miles circuit, and other programs leading up to birth are all so important to bring into your regimen. Keeping your body nourished well with enough minerals, and supportive elements not only helps during pregnancy but during birth as well. For the majority of my pregnancy, I drank the "NORA" tea which is nettles, oat straw, red raspberry leaf, and alfalfa (I recommend looking each of these ingredients up to learn their benefits). This tea is supercharged with highly nutrient-dense food-based supplements for everyday needs (even if you're not pregnant!). Dates are another food that is very beneficial leading up to labor.

Part of physical preparation was looking ahead to the plan for postpartum. We prepared to follow the 5-5-5 rule, which meant spending at least five days in the bed, five days on the bed, and five days near the bed. It doesn't have to be exact, but the purpose of this is to be very intentional about rest, recovery, and bonding. Our society pushes new mothers to "bounce back" and rushes them much too quickly back from this significant event in life. Slow down… heal… bond… adjust. Postpartum is a very unique time that needs to be taken seriously and needs to be planned for. Plan meals ahead of time (we were blessed with meals from our church), plan for older children to be looked after sometimes, have all of your postpartum items bought and organized, and plan for this time to be as slow as possible.

In Part III, the final part of this series, I will share my birth story, which was full of redemption and more beauty than we could have ever imagined.