In memory of my brother Abel
The Funny Man, aka Magilla Gorilla, aka the Kali Kid
We’re a little over seven years removed from the day this photo was taken. Have we really arrived at that season of life where the loss of loved ones becomes more common than not, serving as an ever-present reminder of our mortality and the temporal nature of life? The inevitability of death is the greatest of anxieties, and it looms over us like a shadow that encroaches on our lives. Just the thought of it could cause one to be filled with fear, so much so that it could render onset paralysis, preventing us from truly living.
For my brother Abel, living was one of the things at which he truly excelled. Although we have no blood relations (unless I somehow found out I was part Mexican and Russian—unlikely), I call him my brother because that’s who he was, and that’s who he will always be. In fact, this is part and parcel of how he carried himself with everyone he knew, so much so that he was affectionately dubbed “Pariente” to countless people no matter who they were, and would also use the term to introduce his friends to others. They were all like a blood-related family to him.
Abel lifted people up above himself. He didn’t know any other way. He always made sure you were taken care of. He always had your back. He’s the type of guy you want around if you happen upon a situation where stuff went down and you had to defend yourself. I used to joke with him that if I ever became famous, I’d hire him as a full-time bodyguard. And for his closest friends and family, he wouldn’t hesitate to take a bullet for you.
Even with all his flaws (and we all have our own), in many ways, he embodied the map Jesus laid out in the Sermon on the Mount regarding His Kingdom and the character of His people. This photo above captures exactly who he was and how I will remember him.
“Forever Young”
Several nights ago, I opened my feed on Facebook and saw a post on Abel’s page mentioning his passing. Was this a joke? I scrolled down and saw a similar post from a family member. I was in utter disbelief and could hardly fall asleep, but I managed to get a few hours. The next day, before dawn, I woke up to a message from his sister confirming his passing. Although I never got to meet her when Abel was still with us, I thought it was such an immense gesture that she thought to reach out to me.
She mentioned Abel having one last birthday celebration in December, reaching the tender age of 39, and recalled his being one of the groomsmen at my wedding, wearing clothes he hardly fit into. She ended her brief message with, “Forever young, my Abel.” That’s true. There would never be a photo taken of an older Abel, perhaps on his wedding day or with his own kids or grandkids later in life.
He had one last birthday, one last Christmas, and one last New Year. I suppose you never know how deeply a person has impacted your life until they’re gone, and it’s too late to tell them. I thought he’d always be there like he had been. That I would somehow reach out to him, and he’d pick up the phone, and it was like we never missed a day, much less a beat.
One-of-a-Kind & One-of-a-Few
As I reflected on our friendship and brotherhood, memories kept flooding in. I stared into the distance, stood out in the garden as the biting cold swept over my face and sank deep into my bones. I thought about how Abel would enjoy visiting England, having a pint and proper fish-n-chips together at a local pub, going to a local football match, and seeing him play with my kids. My eyes welled up with tears, envisioning it all, and then suddenly, it was all interrupted by an outburst of laughter, just recalling all the funny things we used to do and things we used to say. When Enzo, my eldest son, was born, I showed him a photo, and Abel immediately went into a Maury impression with his signature catchphrase, ‘You ARE [1,000%] the father!!” 😂
My mind reached back further to the first time I met him and the fact that, along with my two brothers, Abel was one of a few friends, all of whom I consider my peers, who knew me before I committed my life to Christ and became born again. Abel knew the before Christ Gino and the In Christ Gino. He was one-of-a-kind and one of a few who had a front-seat perspective of God’s transformative work in my life.
Steph has been so supportive and loving these last few days as I grieved his passing. She reminded me of the time she first met him, recalling his warmth and hospitality and how genuine he was. Steph and I had just begun dating at the time, and I recollected how she described the way in which he carried himself—like a big teddy bear. She remembered how great it was to see a different side of me that was brought out by being around him. All the stories we told, the back-and-forth, the banter, and the multitude of inside jokes.
“The Funny Man”
Workplace Shenanigans
In October ‘08, the retailer I worked for hired seasonal warehouse and backroom associates to help out during the bustling holiday season. Abel and a guy called Derell were among the new hires. This was the start of all the workplace shenanigans, where Derrel, Abel, and I began to strike up friendships.
I remember management would organize pizza parties for everyone, and he and Derell would sneak pizza over to the top of the sliding storage shelves. We put in some long hours on our feet, so I don’t blame them for wanting something to snack on while receiving shipments and restocking the backroom. The only problem with using the higher shelves is our store manager at the time was 6’7” and could easily spot it. A plate of pizzas would be at eye level if he happened to be checking inventory. 🤦♂️ 😆
Abel and I began doing impressions at work. We’d suddenly go into a Harry and Marv routine (from Home Alone), or he’d ask me to do an impromptu post-fight interview as Manny Pacquiao or pretend I was from East London and start talking with an English accent over the phone whenever customers rang the store. It all brought a much needed levity to the job that took the edge off of rough days and long hours.
Movies & TV Shows
I won’t be able to watch classics like Home Alone, comic book films like The Watchmen and The Dark Knight, or TV shows like Seinfeld without thinking about all the times we would reference them. After seeing a film called The Boondock Saints one night, some of my friends and I decided to call Abel “The Funny Man,” which is the moniker of one of the characters he resembled from the film.
He had the ability to make any everyday happenstance hilarious, whether self-deprecating, low or high-brow humor, slapstick, or deadpan. It’s like you were living in a sitcom, and he was part of the main cast. Many times over, he’d make you laugh until your sides hurt, and he had the most contagious laugh that could get the whole room giggling in no time. He also had a knack for comedic timing—let me give you an example.
For my bachelor party, the crew and I rented a cabin out in Julian, CA. I wanted to be off-the-grid and enjoy some time of relaxation and just being out in the wilderness with the boys. Apart from BBQs, movie nights, and other shenanigans—we went on a group hike for several miles in the dead heat of summer. It was blazing hot that weekend, but the guys were up for the challenge. Abel somehow thought it was a good idea to hike in a pair of new white leather Aldo shoes. If you don’t know the brand, these shoes were somewhere between business casual and Converse Chucks.
The entire time we were out there, he was grumbling about how hot it was and that he could feel the heat on the ground with his non-hike-appropriate shoes. He asked if anyone else could feel the rocks and pebbles on the bottom of their feet. We all laughed it off, saying things like, “Freakin’ Abel!” 😂 and “Who hikes in Aldos?” 😂
As if this wasn’t enough entertainment, as soon as we got back to the cabin, the guys and I were all huddled around the living room, taking our shoes off and grabbing a change of clothes from our bags. Here comes Abel, noticeably relieved to get his shoes and socks off, with his duffel bag in hand. We were all still busting his chops about the Aldos and how the once brand-new pair of shoes were now all covered in dirt. Then, out from the duffle bag, Abel pulls out the exact same pair of Aldos in pristine condition. Everyone was floored!! 😂 😂 😂
He made quite an impression on all the guys who didn’t know him very well that weekend. My brother, Gerick, who was one of them, used to work at Gamespot as a videogame journalist. He referenced the infamous Aldo hiking shoes during a walkthrough stream (at the 1-hour, 17-minute, and 6-second mark) for the game Metal Gear Solid 5:
Nicknames
Abel had a habit of giving people nicknames. I used to call him Magilla Gorilla, based on a lesser-known cartoon character that appeared on Saturday mornings back in the day. At work, with my friends, and with my family, I was known as “Gino Bambino” or just “G,” so he used to call me both. But in true Abel fashion, he also created his own ever-evolving moniker for me.
As one of my go-to gym partners, he was always down to go at any hour of the day, bright and early or late into the wee hours of the night. You’d see the two of us cranking out super-sets of bench-press and skull crushers close to midnight at the local 24-hour gym. It was our way of avoiding peak hours and pretty much having the gym all to ourselves.
This was when Abel started calling me his “Pastor/ Nutritionist/ Doctor/ Counselor/ Etc.” That list would get longer and longer over time 😂 . When he’d start off a sentence with, “Gino, is it bad if _______?” I knew it was going to be followed by something amusing:
Is it bad if I fixed myself up a tuna sandwich at 2:00 AM?
Is it bad if I mix my pre-workout with an Energy Drink?
Is it bad if I call a girl back a week after a first date?
Is it bad if I don’t attach my resume to this job application?
When Abel moved back to Milwaukee, I remember he started off one of our phone conversations with, “Yeah Gino, I’ve got a few [minutes] before I get to the gym. I just took a pre-workout!” Forty-five minutes went by, we’re getting caught up in conversation, and then I asked, “Hey bro, I thought you were almost there?”
It turns out there were detours and road closures along the way. Meanwhile, he’s getting more amped up by the minute from the caffeine and driving aimlessly, trying to figure out another way to get to the gym while on the phone. 😂
Music
Here are a few tracks that remind me of Abel. We shared a deep appreciation for various genres and, at times, surprised one another with how eclectic our musical tastes were.
On my wedding day, when the bridal party was introduced at the reception, our DJ played a track for every couple making an entrance. Abel and Steph’s friend Rayna came out to “If You Leave” by Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark (OMD). It’s a well-known ‘80s track from one of John Hugh’s beloved films, Pretty in Pink—one of Steph’s all-time favorite movies.
Community
If I’m being honest, part of me imagines what it would’ve been like for Abel to stick around in San Diego. He was getting increasingly involved in the church community and coming out to services, socials, bible studies, and other events. He encountered Jesus through our life-on-life interactions whenever he attended gatherings, helped with charitable projects, engaged in Sunday worship, and heard the preaching of God’s Word.
I know he had his own pursuits and life trajectory, which involved moving back to Milwaukee after a brief stint in Hawaii, but I always wondered, what if he stayed? What if he found his faith, continued to grow in understanding, and further cultivated all of these new friendships? The unique thing about our community in San Diego was that many of us were part of different churches, and some of us were serving in high-capacity leadership.
I was grateful when I started to see others spark their own friendships with him, whether it was sharing a meal, hitting the gym, playing a pickup game of basketball, etc. I guess we’ll never know the answer to that, but I suspect he’d be even more interwoven in community and perhaps using his own Holy Spirit-empowered gifts and God-given talents to showcase Christ to a hurting world.
Here’s part of what I shared with his dear sister/family last week:
All those years, whenever it came up, I’d remind him to consider his own faith and cultivate a reconciled relationship with the Lord—and how practical God’s grace, in Christ, is for daily life. Just last month, I had a call with someone who had restricted access at the hospital and was on their deathbed. Praying that prayer—you know. I wish I could have been there for him/with him in his last moments. One last reminder and assurance that He is loved by God—all he’d need to do is turn to Jesus and put his confidence and trust in Him. It’s not something anyone can earn but simply receive freely.
For Abel’s Family
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18
I’ve heard it said that to grieve deeply is to have loved fully.
What is grief but love persevering?
I’ve recounted all of this with a heavy heart, but I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling deep down inside. It’s not easy, but I want to remind you that it comes from a place of profound love. It takes courage to let the tears flow and not bottle up all of the emotions or seek to wash them down with the bottled beast or numb them by self-medicating to escape the grief.
No pastor or priest can tell you with the utmost certainty whether someone did or did not cry out to God in their last moments. I’ve seen the sentiments people have shared all over his Facebook page about hoping to see Abel again one day. I feel the same way and have a similar longing, which speaks to eternity written on our hearts. But far from merely well-wishing him into the presence of God, which is what we call Heaven, I cling to the truth of Jesus’ immense mercy and grace toward undeserving sinners.
When all the homies have poured out the last of their drinks on the street in his honor, when all of his loved ones and those most dear process through the what ifs, should haves, and would haves, the Lord is there in the midst of it all. He has always been there. He hears your cries and sees the utter devastation in your hearts.
Out of all other faith systems and worldviews, Jesus stands alone. He is the only One who can perfectly empathize with your pain and suffering. He did not sit distant and idle on some cosmic throne far, far away—waiting for you to earn His attention or build up your status before Him. No! Jesus entered into human history, took on flesh, and experienced the full gamut of human emotion, the pain and heartache of enduring the plight we call life in a fallen world—and lived a perfect life.
Why would He do that?
He did for us what we could never do.
He did it for you!
I, along with his loving family and the multitude of friends, commit our brother, Abel, into Your hands, Lord. If he were with us today, he would tell you that Heaven is real and that there is an open invitation from a loving God who gives us a choice to either choose Him and spend eternity with Him or choose our sin and spend eternity without Him.
Turn away from your sins and turn to Christ!
Receive His forgiveness and the free, unmerited gift of salvation!
